Books
1) Deep Work by Cal Newport
I highly recommend this book to everyone unless you don't need to work for the rest of your life.
Let's start with the definitions:
Deep Work: Undistracted work which requires full concentration (coding an application from scratch). Those who can deep work well can enter FLOW state where they lose themselves in their work and ignore everything else around them.
Shallow Work: Work that can be easily done while multitasking (such as knitting while watching TV)
The current state of economy:
The economy is constantly changing due to evolving technology whether is the internet, electric vehicles, and now artificial intelligence. As a result, three groups of people will come out on top.
1-Workers who can utilize the new technology to produce valuable output (very difficult as learning to utilize new technology takes years to master)
2-Workers who are the best at their jobs (shift from 9-5 job to project work. As a result, top workers will be able to work for multiple companies while mediocre workers lose their jobs)
3-Investors who invest in capital. As technology evolves, it plays a bigger role in our economies. Those who invest in capital will see larger and larger returns as a result.
The economy is always changing so those who can adapt and learn the new technologies will come out on top and stay on top.
Deep Work to become the best:
Expert Journey:
1- Deep Work to Produce Valuable Results
2- Share results with others (coworkers, boss, mentor, etc)
3- Receive constructive feedback
4- Loop back to Step 1
Productivity: Don't measure productivity by how busy you are but by how much value you produce. (hours spent doing homework VS problem sets completed)
Multi-tasking: Don't multi-task. You can't focus properly on either tasks if you multitask. Every time you switch tasks, some of your attention is left behind thus reducing your productivity.
Weekly Reviews: Review yourself weekly to make improvements
Relax: Let your brain relax by napping for a few minutes or meditating before you go back to deep work
Social Media is the enemy:
Social media buys our attention, time, and energy in exchange for useless information. Opportunity Cost: you are always losing something due to them: TIME. in contrast to their benefit: slight entertainment.
Embrace Boredom: You can be bored = you can endure not having fun = you can resist distractions like social media, video games, or music (because they are meant to be "fun")
Time: make every second account. schedule out what you are going to do to reduce procrastination and distractions. schedule out your fun time as well or you are going to end up using social media by default. You can achieve more with less time by focusing on the essential tasks (how the same workers got the same results when they went from 40hr work week to 32hr work week. They became more stingy with their time and stopped wasting it in work that wasn’t vital to their success such as office drama or unnecessary meetings).
ETC:
20/80 rule:
20% of problems cause 80% of my misery (focus on fixing those problems)
20% of habits cause 80% of my success (expand those habits)
Focus and feeling: what you focus on will decide how you feel
-cancer diagnosis (depressing)
-6pm Margarita (joyful)
52 cards: assign a person/character to each card and assign each card to an object in your house (5 rooms, 10-11 objects each for the card order). Try to memorize the cards in order after shuffling
Productive meditation: while you are running, walking, or working out, focus on a problem you have and think about how you can solve it. (thinking about date ideas while I am walking rounds)
2) Why we Sleep by Matthew Walker
One of my all time favorite books (10/10)
Before reading this book, I saw sleep like everyone else, a burden. When we are asleep, we can’t work to earn money for survival. I can’t have fun with my friends. I cannot do anything when I am asleep. We dedicate 5-8 hours everyday of our life to sleep.
After reading, I better understand what sleep is and why we need it. The best way to describe sleep is the body recovering from its waking activities and getting ready for the next one. It’s a break from life.
Almost all living beings sleep in some form including worms, plants, and some cells. We biologically evolved to sleep more. When we deprive ourselves of sleep, it worsens every aspect of our life whether it’s our physical health, mental health, our looks, work, and social life. For health, when the entire us lost one hour of sleep due to daytime saving in spring, there was a spike in heart attacks. When it gained an hour, it dropped instead. Sleep deprived people look more dead and more ugly. Sleep deprived people are lazier, less focused, and more tired. Have you ever read something only to reread multiple times because your mind can’t seem to absorb what you just read. That’s what sleep deprivation does to you.
Sleep is divided into NREM (non rapid eye movement) sleep and REM sleep. You are unconscious during NREM sleep but during REM sleep you are dreaming. During 8 hours of sleep you switch back and forth 4 times each. To simplify, when you are awake you are doing work and absorbing knowledge from your environment. During NREM sleep, your brain is storing that information. During REM sleep you are hallucinating to connect the dots to better understand how the world works. REM sleep: given what I have learned throughout my life, how can I better understand what happened today. REM sleep is very important for social and emotional intelligence development. For first half of sleep, there is more NREM sleep and during second half there is more REM sleep.
Lastly no alcohol or sleeping pills because they are sedatives. They slow down brain activity. Alcohol particularly targets your rationalizing area first before targeting others. That’s why you become more social initially before you start slurring and losing body movement control. When people fall asleep with sedatives and alcohol, they still feel tired because during normal sleep, your brain and body is very active but those substances prevent them from working. Plus, you also lose memory of things you studied which fucks up your work and grades. All those hours of studying go down the drain. Same thing for sleep deprivation.
This is one of the few books worth spending every second of your time reading.
10/10
3) The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
I am not a huge fan of fiction books. Before rereading this book, my favorite book was Why We Sleep because I found it the most useful and most enlightening. Most of the books I read were non-fiction, especially in the self-improvement category. I want to better myself and be a better man than I was yesterday. For that reason, fiction books never appealed to me. They always seemed unrealistic as if the author was out of touch with reality. It is in the name, of "fiction", after all. I held this view for the most part until I reread The Great Gatsby. The first time I read, it was in my junior year of high school. Back then, like everyone else, I hated Daisy for being entitled and I saw Gatsby as a delirious fool who had it all but chose to follow an impossible dream never being satisfied even with Daisy.
After I reread the book now, I understand him now. It became my favorite book because it understood me. I felt similar to Gatsby. I too was brought up from a lower birth compared to everyone else. My family was poor and I barely knew anything about the US. I was the first in my family to go to a university. I always carried a lot of shame with being poor. I always felt inferior compared to others. I too have a grand dream to fix what was wrong in the past. Like Gatsby, I share both his shame and ambition.
Before I saw Gatsby as a delirious fool who had it all, money, status, and Daisy but he wanted more. If only he let go of his foolish dream, would he have had a rich life. However, that was my view when I didn't understand him. Now, I understand why. If it weren't for his foolish dream, he wouldn't have pushed himself this hard to achieve so much in the first place. His impossible dream allowed him to do almost impossible things like rising to a major rank in the army, moving out of his old home, and making a fortune from nothing with zero wealth or zero connections to his name. His dream both brought his grand success and his death.
I am also in a similar situation. If it weren't for my desire to overcompensate and show others how great I can be, I would have never run for student council, I never would have lost weight, I never would have joined the Army, I never would have joined the gym, I never would have start self-improvement in the first place. Only an impossible dream can make men do impossible things.
I don't hate Daisy anymore either. She is entitled and delusional herself. However, it would be a waste of my time and energy to continue feeling angry towards her.
Even during my third rock bottom and with no self-confidence, I still share his optimism that one day my dream will come true. One day, I can feel enough as a man. And so I press on.
A part of me wonders that if I end up succeeding in achieving my dream, is there a nightmare waiting for me? Once I worked at Google, studied at an Ivy League, made at least 100k, and had sex with 38 different women, is there a consequence lying in wait for me? I don't know. Despite being rich, Gatsby still dies alone and empty. I don't want to end up like him.
4) The Subtle Art of not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson
(February 7th, 2024)
My favorite book of all time. I have read this book at least 3 times by now.
The first time I read the book, the main lesson I adopted was to stop caring about everything.
Before, I cared too much about the news and injustices in the world. I would sign change.org petitions and share news on Facebook to fuel my ego. I didn’t care about the causes nor the outcomes of my actions but I wanted to be seen as a good person. My values have shifted since as I focus more on my self-improvement, having more adventures in life, my health, and my close friends and family.
The second lesson is death. The only constant in life. Only when we face death, do we stop caring about all the unnecessary bullshit and start caring about what truly matters to us.
I overdosed on 90mg of THC through gummies in Fall 2023, the recommended dose for beginners is either 5mg or 10mg. I was hallucinating, so I called my friends in the discord group chat. After reaching my room, my heart felt like it was about to explode, I was having brain lag of me going in and out of consciousness like King Crimson from Jojo Part 5, and I was extremely tired. When my vision started to fade out, I believed I was about to die. The only thing I felt was disappointment because I didn’t lose my virginity or have a proper girlfriend. In the span of less than a minute, I came to terms with my death. I told myself that I tried my best and this was all I could do before passing away. I was sad but also relieved knowing that I had some fun moments. The next morning I woke up realizing that I was still alive. I didn’t change overnight. I still have my anxiety and fears especially when it comes to other people but I am getting better at learning to prioritize my values over others.
The third lesson is about failure. “If you are not willing to fail, you are not willing to succeed”.
Accumulating rejection after rejection from girls with little success destroyed my self-esteem. I went from an outgoing person to someone who didn’t go to class because I had a pimple near my nose. I cried about feeling ugly and unwanted. For a while, I forgot this lesson about failure. I avoided it because the looks of rejection scared me, they hurt me deep inside to the point I started running away from social settings. However, the truth remains: to be successful and confident, I have to be willing to be a failure and a complete joke and weirdo to others. A side lesson is to also be wary of one’s tolerance. I ran it down last semester (fall 2023), going to social event after event getting rejections and more rejections. I forgot to reflect and recharge which led to my third rock bottom. Now that I am almost recovered, I feel ready to go out and try and fail again to succeed.
(July 5th, 2025 reread)
I remember now. My original dream was to have sex with 38 different women before settling down in marriage. Only then would I feel that I have overcompensated enough for my dating rejections and failures during high school and college.
Some things have changed. For a while, I forgot about my original dream and that specific number. I had two successful relationships since that diary entry, and had sex with a lot of escorts since. I am still horny and socially anxious but that fear has decreased.
A large part of it is due to my insomnia. It fucked up my mental health to the point I contemplated committing suicide almost everyday. That also made me realize that my life is short. Who knows when I will commit suicide? Today? Tomorrow? A year from now? That’s why I went to Japan for 3 months and applied for study abroad in Germany. If I don’t do it now, then I never will.
Study abroad gave me a one-year extension in life. I realized with all my health problems that I don’t really care about having a good career, a large house, or a stable family like everyone else. That doesn’t invigorate me the same way adventures do. Every day, I am in pain physically, mentally, and emotionally. Right now, I am seeking a reason to endure all of this. I need a reason to not give a fuck about this pain. Currently, my dream is to go back to Japan while being fluent in Japanese when I visit my friends again. That’s all I have for now and that’s why I am desperately searching for more reasons to stay alive.
5) Models by Mark Manson
Models Book Review (03/18/2024)
This is my second or third time reading the dating book for men "Models" by Mark Manson. This is definitely in my top 10 books if not top 5 because of how much useful and relevant advice it gives. Unfortunately, I won't put down every single advice in this review, just the fundamental ones.
The most important thing guys should do to get better at dating and relationships is to become less needy. Neediness is easily described as when a person alters their behavior or identity in response to others. For example, telling someone that you like watching football to better your relationship with them is a sign of neediness if you don't actually like watching football. Same goes for our interactions with women. A man who constantly changes his opinions and actions to please others, is not a confident man nor is he a trustful man. There are many ways to reduce neediness. The general guideline is to start valuing oneself over others whether it's your decisions, the way you dress, the way you talk, etc. You should be doing things because you want to not because others expect you to do so. One way to become less needy is to invest more in oneself whether it's by working out, pursuing a career one is actually passionate in, not tolerating hate or insults from others, and expanding one's interests. Another good place to start is to ask oneself, why do I care about others' opinions more than my own?
For me it was the fear of being alone. Being betrayed by my friends, being the failure child, and the class clown left me with a deep trauma of feeling unaccepted and ridiculed. As a result, I tried being normal by copying others rather focusing on myself to discover what I cared about.
The second idea is to be more bold and physical with women. The more straightforward and honest you are with women, the less needy you look and the more confident you will be. Women love being wanted and the bolder the action, the more turned on they will be. A guy who goes straight to a woman after making long eye contact will be seen as more confident and less needy than a guy who looks away and hesitates for 15 minutes before going up to her.
The third idea is to be more vulnerable and emotionally connect with women. Women want two things, connection and security. You can satisfy the security part by being less needy and more honest. As for the connection requirement, they want to feel understood and less lonely. The way to do that is by opening yourself up with your own emotions, motivations, and life stories. For example, if you want to learn about her childhood, don't ask her about it. Talk about yours in a vulnerable way and she will probably talk about hers as well. The deeper the topic, the more connected you might be. For example, talking about the time you felt alone and unwanted when you got picked last will generate a stronger emotional response than talking about your ice cream flavor.
There is a caveat to all of these. Do all these things for yourself to be a better man and to improve yourself. Don't do it expecting women to fall in love with you. Women will always know whether you say something because you are genuinelly trying to express yourself versus when you are expecting a response from them.
A must read book. Highly recommend.
6) Fire Punch review
04/17/2024
I read the entire Firepunch manga series 2 days ago after getting both of my 4 wisdom teeth removed. I had no internet and the series was fully downloaded on my tablet so I read the entire series.
To summarize it, this is something I copied from a YouTube comment:
"Firepunch is a great manga I will never read again"
Firepunch's story is cruel and brutal. There were moments in the story where I had to stop reading it in public because of how fucked up some of the scenes were. That's also the reason why it might be good for me and others to just read it once.
The main theme of the story is about living and finding purpose. I agree with the idea that to live is to suffer. All humans suffer every day as we have unlimited wants but limited resources to satisfy them. I suffer because I want more out of life. Immigrating to America wasn't enough as I had to also become successful by getting a six-figure job to satisfy my goals. So we put in our hours every day whether it's working, studying, or putting in time for our hobbies, dreams, or social circles. Fire Punch takes that idea to an extreme as the main character, Agni, is burning everywhere. He is enduring the pain of his flesh being burnt every second he is alive. Yet, he chooses to live to get revenge as he made that his sole purpose.
In the second arc, his suffering is more emotional and mental. While the fires are gone, he suffers from the guilt of his past victims and from living a lie every day. Despite all that pain, he still chooses to live for the sake of his "sister".
Throughout the story, conflicts often exist between wanting to die and wanting to live. The fire hurt him so much that he wanted to die, but he couldn't just stop until he finished things with Doma.
That resonated with me. My cousin told me that even though she hated life sometimes and contemplated suicide, she avoided it because she didn't want to hurt her grandmother. I felt similarly too because I didn't want my little brother and close friends to end up suicidal and depressed because of my death.
There was also another motive. For most of my life, I have always been an underdog. I always felt treated like a clown or somebody who would never achieve greatness. For that reason, I would always die with regrets if I never got to prove myself as being capable. When I was 21 and I made my first suicide attempt, there was a thought in my head telling me that I achieved nothing in life so far. For that reason, I chose to join the military as a last-ditch effort to not be a total loser in death.
Even though my life is a lot better, I still see life as suffering that needs a purpose to justify it. The only thing going for me is the desire to prove others wrong by being successful. There is this fear in me that if I do end up achieving my dream, then what would I be without my hatred or purpose? Will I just go back to being suicidal and my past self?
7) Say Good Night to Insomnia by Gregg D. Jacobs PH.D. (2009)
06/20/2025
Insomnia is the inability to fall asleep due to anxiety and stress about not getting enough sleep. For me, I always wanted to get enough sleep because I have exams, workouts, social events coming up. I want to be at my 100% all the time so I prioritize my sleep. However, that did backfire because I would worry a lot about getting enough sleep and try harder to fall asleep. As a result, my body and mind associated the bed and sleep with stress and anxiety. Even though my body would feel exhausted and sleepy, the moment I lie on my bed, my mind would start racing and my heart would feel like exploding as if I am sprinting a 100m race. Months and years of spending restless nights awake on my bed has traumatized me of falling asleep. Before, I could fall asleep easily whenever. Now, I am always wondering if I will be able to fall asleep tonight. The more I try to fall asleep, the more stressed I become, which prevents me from sleeping.
Solution:
I can' force myself to sleep, but I can do some things to try to fix it.
SLEEP EFFICIENCY > TOTAL SLEEP TIME
Sleep efficiency is the amount of time it takes to fall asleep. Insomniacs have horrendous sleep efficiency. The average person takes less than 20 minutes to fall asleep. Insomniacs take anywhere from half an hour to 3 hours just to fall asleep. To fix insomnia, I have to fix my sleep efficiency and fix my negative sleep thoughts.
The solution is CBTI. CBTI is essentially picking a certain wake up time everyday no matter what. Even if I don't get enough sleep, it will make me sleepy enough to help me fall asleep easier the next night. We are using sleep deprivation to improve sleep efficiency. Sometimes, I just jack off and that does the trick (needs to be done a few hours prior).
As for fixing negative sleep thoughts. The goal is to change how we react to our circumstances. Often, we don't get to decide if we have insomnia, or we lose our jobs, or have a stressful day. However, we do have control on how we react to these events.
An example:
I have a test tomorrow and I can' fall asleep on my bed.
Negative: "I can't fall asleep so I will be tired tomorrow morning. I won't be able to focus during my test. I am going to end up failing this class."
Positive: "It does suck that I can't fall asleep. If I can't fall asleep, I will do some revisions while my mind is still active. Even if I don't get enough rest, I am fairly confident that I can pass tomorrow because I have been studying for a while. Even if I fail this exam, I have done good on my assignments and other tests so I won't fully fail this class."
If I have that negative thought, I will be stressed, suicidal, and definitely not falling asleep anytime soon. If I have the positive thought, even if I can't fall asleep, I am being resourceful and hopeful despite my circumstances. That way I stay more calm which is crucial in making my body sleepy.
Not everything is a big deal. Is it that important for me to worry and stress over to the point it harms my health and my sleep? In the grand scheme of things, does it matter?
Sleeping Pills:
Don't take sleeping pills for insomnia. Sleeping pills can cause insomnia because they increase dependency and resistance causing insomnia when you stop taking them. Also sleeping pills make you more unconscious than asleep which is why a lot of the side effects of sleeping pills such as drowsiness, increased mortality, impaired cognitive ability is similart to the effects of sleep deprivation. Sleeping pills was the biggest mistake of my life and the reason why I ended up with insomnia.
8) The Moth: All These Wonders (2017)
(06/29/2025)
The Moth is a collection of 5 minute short stories that were originally told in front of a crowd. The goal of these stories isn't to entertain but to express oneself honestly and vulnerably. That could be in the form of feeling rejected for prom, adjusting to life in America from a previous life as a child soldier, coming to peace with the death of a loved one, being falsely sentenced to death, or searching for kosher food in Long Island.
The Moth isn't in my Top 10 books list because it doesn't fit the normal book formula. However, it has earned a place in my bookshelf because it's a reminder to be honest and vulnerable while also inspiring me to adventure more.
These are my three favorite stories
A)Tired, From New York:
I loved the moment when she made peace with her failures. She accepted that no matter how hard she tries, there will always be a chance for her skit to bomb and that's ok. Accepting that reality gave her freedom to be creative with her jokes without any restraints. She started seeming funnier, getting more laughs, and had some successful skits. I also have similar experiences. One was skydiving. I am afraid to die. When I was on that plane 14,000 feet in the air, I accepted the hard fact that my parachute may not open and I might die. Knowing that, I took time to be grateful of everything in my life so far and knew I had no regrets before doing the jump. Accepting that allowed me to fully enjoy the few minutes of freefalling and parachuting at the end.
B) The Weight of A Ring:
It was about the death of her husband and especially how it lead to it. Left his job led to anxiety. Anxiety led to insomnia. Insomnia led to worse anxiety and depression. Which ultimately led to suicide which is very similar to my current condition.
Reading this story is a grim reminder of what the future may look like. When I am insomniac, I am not mentally sane. I hate living and I just want to die. Despite wanting to die, a part of me also wants to live and doesn't want to hurt my family and my friends. People who are insomniacs and people who use sleeping pills are crazy and are very likely to harm themselves. We are not alive nor are we dead. We are always in limbo, never awake, never asleep. We just want to be rid of it.
C) Kidneys and Commitments:
For me the part that resonated the most was acceptance. At some point, he comes to accept that he will have to live like this forever. He stops praying for more time and starts focusing on how to spend the remaining time he has left.
I have had insomnia and joint pain consistently for 2 years now. They haven't gone away nor improved despite taking medications and receiving treatments. This failure also led to my spiraling depression and suicidal ideation.
I am slowly coming to terms that my life may be like this forever. I can't live a normal life when my sleep is constantly being fucked up and I am half awake all the time. I am tired of working towards a cure that doesn't exist and I just want to focus on finishing off my bucket list to keep me going until I can't handle it anymore.
9) The 2-Hour Job Search + The Job Closer
07/22/2025
This book is a tutorial on networking to find your first job.
Job applying has become so easy that hiring has become inefficient. There are too many casual applicants and it’s difficult to stand out through resumes and cover letters alone. Applying for jobs feels like a black hole with no returns except from the hundreds of rejection emails.
The easiest way to get a job interview now is through a referral.
The steps are: 1) Prioritize, 2) Contact, 3) Convince
From the hiring manager’s perspective, they want to hire a good enough candidate quickly versus the perfect candidate slowly.
80/20 rule:
80% of the results are done by 20% of your work. To increase efficiency, increase your efforts in that 20% area. An example is studying flashcards vs rereading lecture notes. Flashcards actively use your mind and consolidate memories. In this case, it’s networking and getting referrals vs mindlessly applying to hundreds of jobs.
Disclaimer: I won’t be summarizing the book’s teaching because the book does that infinitely better than me. I am mainly writing my most helpful takeaways and insights.
Tip 1: A good place to start is through LinkedIn Groups, such as Alumni from your college or Military groups. “Veteran Mentor Network”. HR/Recruiting LinkedIn Groups.
Tip 2: Instead of selling yourself, ask for favors. Couch moving study. If you pay people $50 to move a couch, a high percentage would. If you also ask them for a favor to help move them without money, a high percentage would. However, if you only offer them $5, a small percentage would. That’s because humans love helping others. However, if you bring money into the equation, their mindset changes.
Same thing with networking, don’t sell yourself because it’s salesy, and you are not going to save the company all by yourself. Just ask for a favor for them to talk about themselves in an information meeting.
Ben Franklin Effect: Even if they hate you or don’t like you, if you ask them for a favor, they will begin to like you. For example, at parties, I can compliment (“You got good taste in fashion”) cute girls and ask them for recommendations on fashion, food, and anime. If they do, they are helping me. In their minds, they justify themselves helping me by convincing themselves that they like me (not necessarily romantically, but at least in a friendly way).
Start Small Talk:
“How’s your day/week going? Did anything new or fun?”
“I really like your tattoo or jacket, did you get it at Japan?”
“Hope is not a strategy.”
In today’s world, success isn’t determined by hard work or talent alone but by the tools and expertise you have at your disposal. (Job search, Working out, Dating, Wealth, etc).
THE JOB CLOSER
1) Make sure your resume, cover letter, and LinkedIn are good enough, but don’t spend too much time on them (more time for networking).
2) Good First Impression: Making a good first impression through great small talk, the interviewer is more likely to forgive minor mistakes, as they want evidence to support their belief (confirmation bias).
3) BECAUSE: Xerox Machine case study. Just by using the word “because” in your favors or your negotiation statements, you can boost your success rate by more than 50%.
”Can I receive extra stock options?”
VS
“Can I receive extra stock options, as I want to be more invested in my company’s growth and success, which will boost my productivity and morale?”
4) Keep in touch with your managers to ensure you are on the same page and they are aware of your priorities and accomplishments. When job promotions come up, they can advocate on your behalf.
